I was talking to someone this week about how so many times I have some time to kill, and I'll go on the internet, and have no idea what to do. I have the internet, everything in the entire world, an endless string of fascinating and interesting sites, right in front of me; and I check my gmail and my facebook, and then can't think of anywhere else to go. So I think I'm going to make it a point to find where there are interesting places on the world wide web to visit during one's lunch break and pass then along. For today I will pass along a video from comedian Alana Johnston; it's just completely absurd, cracks my shit up. Hope you enjoy, everyone have a great Friday, and I will see YOU, through a crack in the bathroom stall door!!!

A 15 year old japanese girl has recently sold a book that she wrote via 'texts' on her cell phone. That means when she was hanging out with her friends while texting and someone said, "Geez what are you doing? Writing a novel?" Her response was, "As a matter of fact, yes I am" The same girl has also been reported to make phone calls from the bottom of a well, to regularly have some 'coffee with that sugar' and has never really 'walked much'. (By the way, the joke is not that these are all sarcastic things that people say to other people when they can't hear someone well on the phone, put too much sugar in their coffee, and trip; moreso that I'm an ignorant american that thinks people in Japan speak english.)

Comedy Contests...uhg

Comedy Contests. They are the absolute worst. Nothing like going up in front of a bunch of strangers, figuring out some way to make them all laugh, somehow succeeding at that, then afterwards having someone coming up to you and saying, 'Wow, I can't believe you made all those people laugh. You do know you lost though right?"
Let's just have a good, fun time, why do people have to lose at that? It's the same feeling I have when I would unwrap a piece of candy, and the wrapper would say, 'Sorry, you lose!' when I didn't even know there was even a contest. i don't lose, I'm eating candy, I WIN!
What do I lose at wrapper? At opening up this candy? At life?
At least with candy you instantaneously found out your worth. Half the time when you open up a bottle of soda, underneath the cap it says, 'xj38fjufjo'. Then you have to go to some website. Log on. Put in the code. Then and only then do you find out that you failed.
That being said I am in another Comedy Contest. In theory people go to the website; take an hour and a half out of their life to watch all the comics, then fairly assess which comic is the best. In reality, its whoever can drive the most of their fans and friends to the website, and vote, once a day every day, from now until next tuesday at midnight. Which is why those who put the contest together agree to have the contest to begin with; as free advertising for their website. But still, with promises of work as a comic, it's enough to make one want to play the game. So if anyone is interested, you are more then welcome to go to the link below, give me vote, and then go to the homepage of the website, watch all the comics, then decide who you should have actually voted for.
Comedy Contest: http://www.like2laugh.com/comics/comedian.php?ent=nick%20vatterott

National Blogcast System: Raving and Raving

A critic 'raves' about a new york city shop, then 'raves' on ecstasy.

National Blogcast System: Larry Blahblah

Larry Blahblah was not accepted into the N.A.C.A. Convention this year so he has decided to blogcast a promotional video for his variety act on the National Blogcast System

WHAT DO I DO ALL DAY?

This is dedicated to the great american comptroller Bob Kulhan, who's continuing support of my poobies is never taken for granted.

FASHION UPDATE!!!

It's official, pea coats are IN! Poop pants are OUT!

It's that time of year again. The time where the world's eyes are on Vatican City to see whether or not the pope will come out. And as we can see here, yes he did. AND yes he did see his shadow. Which means four extra weeks of lent.

I hung out with Jack Nicholson recently and that dude didn't just get drunk, he got Rip Torn!

LADY GAGA MAY ACTUALLY BE A WOMAN!!!

Scientists report today that Lady Gaga may actually in fact be a 'woman'. Originally researchers believed that Lady Gaga was a mannequin turned singer turned drag queen. But upon recent investigation research has found that being nominated in the female categories at the recent Grammys may actually classify Lady Gaga as actual 'Lady' or what's commonly referred to as a 'woman'. Dr. Simmon of the University of Quashingandrogony stated, 'It's too early to say with any certainty yet, but it seems that (Lady Gaga) may in fact be a female. We will attempt further tests before we commit to either gender with any real certainty. But no matter what sex it turns out Lady Gaga is, it'll never take away from the fact that she has an incredible voice, and a really sweet dick."