The VOLTRON joke

DO YOU SEE WHAT IM TALKING ABOUT?

The bad news is I can't find my camouflage shorts. The good news is that at least I know that they work.

Nobody Loves Ramen

Whenever I open up a back of Ramen Noodles, I always get that same lame prize; "Flavor Packet???? Shit, I got like twenty of these!"

Mel's Like Shit

Recently I was talking to someone about what a racist douchbag Mel Gibson is. I was then asked if I would ever see a Mel Gibson movie again, and I said, 'Absolutely not!'

And I meant it, I'm not going to support someone whose beliefs I am so adamantly against.

Unless the movie is like REALLY good. Then I'll see it in a heartbeat. I mean, if Mel Gibson hated all people named Nick, and was arrested in a drunk stupor saying things like, "All Nicks control the media! What, are you some sort of Nick? Shouldn't you be eating some ramen noodles with broccoli? Isn't that what all Nicks like to eat? Shouldn't you be working a the post office? With all the other Nicks?"

I'd be like, "Fuck that Mel Gibson. That dude hates Nicks man, I don't know what he's got against Nicks but he's just perpetuating the hate."

And if my buddy said, "So, do you want to see the new movie where he fights Frankensteins?"

I'd be like, "I already bought tickets!"

What I think they should do is keep making Mel Gibson movies, but the last scene is always Mel Gibson's character getting his ass kicked. The day they shoot that last scene, they bring in real people that have real beef with Mel. They dress these people in costume and the director says, " Alright Mel, these guys are all going to 'real life' kick you ass for ten minutes, and we're going to film it.

Mel says, "But I don't want to get my ass kicked."

And the director says, 'Do you want a film career or not?"

Mel slowly nods his head yes.

Then you go to the movie, knowing that was how they shot the film. You get home and tell your buddy about how awesome the movie was.

" . . .Dude it's fucking great dude, it fucking just! Mel Gibson, killing Frankensteins the whole time, like ALL THESE FRANKENSTEINS! And then his people start losing, but then he gives this rousing speech to get everyone ready; kinda like in that other movie he did.

"You mean 'Mad Max?"

"No"

"You mean 'The Patriot?"

"No"

"You mean 'Braveheart?"

"Yes . . .oh wait, id you say 'Chicken Run'?"

"No, I said 'Braveheart."

"Oh. Well, it was Chicken Run. He gives this rousing speech like in Chicken Run. And then he goes out and he kills all the Frankenstiens and it's AWESOME - 30 minutes of the movie is a montage of him slow motion killing Frankenstiens, It's Insane! Then there's one Frankenstein left. And he's hiding in this synagogue. And there are these Orthodox Jews that have taken a shining to the Frankenstein. But then Gibson busts in with these crazy eyes, screaming, 'It's alive. It's Alive! ITS ALIVE!!!' Then he shoots the Frankenstien in the back of the head and says, 'Now. . . it's dead.'

But the Frankensteins new friends don't like this, and this one rabbi comes out of the darkness and says, 'Forgive me Lord, for I am about to sin.' And just starts WHOOPING Mel Gibsons ass! And this was the part of the movie where he got his ass kicked in real life, and you can tell cause at one point this guy who's kicking Gibson in the teeth is yelling, 'Mel Gibson you racist piece of shit!'

And then finaly, after about ten minutes of him just getting his ass handed to him, that original bad ass rabii from before, grabs Gibson by the shirt, pulls him in, and says,

'I'll see you in . . .heaven.'

Then just tosses Mel up into the sky so high that he winds up disappearing in the clouds. It's awesome! The Jewish guys, like, kicked his ass, but then, like, still forgave him, it was fucking sweet!"

Do these maternity clothes make me look fat?

'Forever 21' has created some controversey over a new line of maternity wear, marketed towards young, pregnant women. If successful; 'Forever 21' plans to open up a line of stores geared just for young pregnant women called; 'Instantly in your 30's'

What happened in Montreal

WORK ETHIC

Putting a fire under your ass eludes to being motivated; however my buddy who lights his own farts is the least productive guy I know.

I follow Hugo Chavez ON TWITTER!!!

This past weekend dictator Hugo Chavez became the most followed man on Twitter in Venezuela after only two weeks of signing up for the micro-blog site. Excited by the news, I went ahead and read some of his tweets:

- “At wedding of ugly woman; I now pronounce you husband and YIKES!!!”

- “What a day: First late to work, then slapped with more human rights violations, now my stapler is missing. WTF???”

- “Golden girls Season 5 comes out on blue ray Friday, CANT WAIT!!!”

- “Has it been more chilly than normal lately, or am I an insane crazy power hungry dictator?”

- “Girl Scout Cookies. OMG!!! I wish these thin mints were FAT MINTS!!!”

- “Death to America!”

- “I think half of my followers are just ads.”

- “Why don’t I tweet in Spanish?”

Straight Dope from the Pope

This past week the pope called ‘abortions’ and ‘Gay marriages’ two of the most “insidious and dangerous” threats facing the world today. But when informed that allowing gay relationships would significantly lower the amount of abortions, and that allowing abortions would significantly lower the amount of gay people; the pope’s head exploded.

Will the Supreme Court finally open the X-Files?

President Barack Obama nominated Solicitor General Elena Kagan to the Supreme Court today, prompting the question: “Did Scully eat Mulder?