ASIAN ALBINO

Geneticists are studying John Wong to find out what in his DNA led him to become an Asian Albino. The hopes are that they will soon learn how something so white can be so Wong.

Man Marries Pillow

This week in South Korea, 28 year old Jin Gyu married dakimakua; a life size pillow bearing the image of a popular japanese anime character. I guess pillows are a lot like chicks; they're soft, you can make a fort out of 'em, and if you don't take care of them their feathers fall out.

OBAMA QUARTERS

Quarters with Barrack Obama's picture on it have been turning up in many banks and businesses all over the country. The coins are apparently from a 2009 inauguration promotion. People who had ordered the presidential currency have said that while they were originally excited to get an Obama quarter, it wasn't exactly the change they had been promised.

LIVER SPOT ON JESUS, LOOKS LIKE JESUS!!!

This week while visiting his dermatologist, Jesus's doctor noticed a liver spot on the back of Jesus that resembled Jesus. 'It's a miracle!' nurses of the local hospital exclaimed. Every year dozens of images that resemble the son of god are found in pancakes, waffles, toast, grapefruits, rocks, pieces of wood, but this was the first ever reported liver spot. Jesus himself said he noticed a resemblance, but said he personally thought the liver spot looked more like Val Kilmer.

'You know, like early Val Kilmer, before he got fat in the face.'

The doctor who discovered the liver spot (which as pictured above is seven liver spots down from the top and fourteen liver spots from the left) said he first became aware of the miraculous blemish when he noticed that a liver spot had disappeared, and then came back three days later.

Monkey Goes To Rehab

A monkey in a zoo in Rostov Russia has picked up drinking and smoking from zoo visitors. The monkey is now being sent to rehabilitation since his new habits are causing aggression between him and the rest of the animals. Hmm, what's the name of a silly looking creature who's bizarre behavior causes problems amongst the monkees? How about Koko Ono?

DUBAI CAMEL BEAUTY PAGEANT

This week dubai held their annual ‘Camel Beauty Pagant’. Controversy was sparked though when when of the camels was disqualified for showing off a little too much ‘Humantoe’

HOW TO NAME YOUR GRANDMA

There is nothing more wonderful, than the miracle of having a grandma. Having a grandma will forever change your life, and bring so much joy in your home. But with having a grandma comes so much responsibility. There is feeding your grandma, putting gates up so your grandma won't fall down the stairs, putting those little plastic things in the electrical sockets so your grandma won't shock herself; all those safety precautions we do to keep a curious grandma wondering around the house safe. Grandmas don't come with an instruction booklet; you are on your own to figure out why the grandma is crying, what the grandma has in her mouth, and where she got it. But having a grandma is not all work, one of the most fun, and important parts of having a grandma, is naming it!!!

Now some people have a name all picked out before the grandma even arrives. Some people may wait a few days later. Traditionally people will name their grandma after someone in their family. For instance, my grandma is called; 'Uncle'.

I may not have all the answers, like; where do grandmas come from? Or why do new grandmas smell so good? But I do have a list of some of the hot new grandma names out there right now. It used to be that one in every three grandmas was called Ethel, and two in every three Ethels was called Myrtle. But now unique Grandma names are the hot new trend. Here are some of the most popular unique grandma names of the year.

Brittney

Gabe

Orange Peel

Dakota

Furniture Face

Dr. Patient

Jimberly

Fork

Lenny Beefstacks

Cindy

The Grandma formerly known as Grandpa

Hot Robbin

Mustache

Devoe

Pork Dorkleson

Toyota Sales Event

Moose

Crayontown

Biv

Garybeth

Deez Nuts

Abraham

Mouthy

Your Two Thousand and Ten Chicago Bulls!!!

Sandra

T.M.I.

Bell

and

Batman

Once you've named your grandma, ENJOY! Now all you have to do is teach your grandma tricks to impress your house guests!

KEVIN SMITH IS A BIG STAR

It's been recently reported that famed director Kevin Smith was told that he was 'too big' to ride on a Southwest Airline flight. First of all; what is Kevin Smith doing riding Southwest airlines? Southwest is the 'greyhound bus' of the skies. Maybe that was the only venue that would screen MallRats 2.

Second; how exactly did that exchange go down?

Steward approaches Kevin Smith: Um, excuse me...

Kevin Smith then turns to his a female traveling companion: Oh boy...so embarrassing, you know I never will get used to this.

Female Traveling Companion: What? People asking for your autograph?

Kevin Smith: No, people telling me I'm too fat to be here.

ME AND A MONKEY

I spent this whole day telling jokes to a monkey. The producers wanted the monkey to respond to my 'bad' jokes by him either covering his eyes, ears, or doing what they call a 'raspberry'. But what would happen though, is that I would tell the joke, the monkey would do nothing, then the trainers would awkwardly yell at the monkey for several minutes. I felt like I kept telling these jokes that would always end in a couple arguing. Eventually the producers decided to have the girl tell the joke, and have me react to the bad joke. So basically I took the monkeys spot. The monkey and I haven't talked since.

Science Non-Fiction

We have no idea why we sleep. With all of our advances in science medicine, and technology, we are at a complete loss to why it is imperative for all living things to completely shut down for a third of their lives. We know what happens when we don't sleep; that it will drive us to the brink of madness. But we don't know what is happening with us that makes that happen. I think it's nothing more than a sign of how much further we have to go in evolution. There is a subconscious mentality that we as a species have reached where we need to be. We are no longer primates; we walk upright, we communicate, we use tools, we apply logic to problem solving; we have evolved to humans. We are the highest form of evolution. I think what we forget though, is that we are the highest form of evolution; so far. Of course we are the highest form of everything we ever were, but it's amazing that the way we look at monkeys, is how future humanity will look at us. We will continue to evolve, even though NASCAR and Spike TV are tough arguments against any evolution happening any time soon. Right now we look back and say, "Remember when we didn't have the internet, that's crazy right?" Eventually we will look back and say, "Remember when we didn't know why we sleep?" At some point all of man kind may become interconnected on the same frame of conscience, like an internet inside all of our brains. We may be done evolving physically, but mentally we may eventually begin to tap that 90% of the brain that we have no idea it's use for. Perhaps we don't know what it does, or why we sleep; because we're not ready for it. We have yet to evolve to a species that can use all of what our heads are capable of.

Now these are all science fiction type of thoughts, but so was Jules Vern notions of deep sea exploration and space travel. What was fodder for fantasy became fact.

This article posts eight things from literature that came true.

http://www.tutor.com/articles/articles.aspx?Id=48

And as I talked to fellow comedian David Angelo this past weekend about the idea of future human evolution, he turned me onto an incredibly interesting bit of sci-fi literature in a short story by Isaac Asimov about a computing machine called MultiVax written in 1956.Read the short story here: http://www.multivax.com/last_question.html , then return to the site's homepage at www.multivax.com to see multivax's eerie simularity to google, and wonder what other science fiction thoughts, will someday, become our reality.