Mel's Like Shit

Recently I was talking to someone about what a racist douchbag Mel Gibson is. I was then asked if I would ever see a Mel Gibson movie again, and I said, 'Absolutely not!'

And I meant it, I'm not going to support someone whose beliefs I am so adamantly against.

Unless the movie is like REALLY good. Then I'll see it in a heartbeat. I mean, if Mel Gibson hated all people named Nick, and was arrested in a drunk stupor saying things like, "All Nicks control the media! What, are you some sort of Nick? Shouldn't you be eating some ramen noodles with broccoli? Isn't that what all Nicks like to eat? Shouldn't you be working a the post office? With all the other Nicks?"

I'd be like, "Fuck that Mel Gibson. That dude hates Nicks man, I don't know what he's got against Nicks but he's just perpetuating the hate."

And if my buddy said, "So, do you want to see the new movie where he fights Frankensteins?"

I'd be like, "I already bought tickets!"

What I think they should do is keep making Mel Gibson movies, but the last scene is always Mel Gibson's character getting his ass kicked. The day they shoot that last scene, they bring in real people that have real beef with Mel. They dress these people in costume and the director says, " Alright Mel, these guys are all going to 'real life' kick you ass for ten minutes, and we're going to film it.

Mel says, "But I don't want to get my ass kicked."

And the director says, 'Do you want a film career or not?"

Mel slowly nods his head yes.

Then you go to the movie, knowing that was how they shot the film. You get home and tell your buddy about how awesome the movie was.

" . . .Dude it's fucking great dude, it fucking just! Mel Gibson, killing Frankensteins the whole time, like ALL THESE FRANKENSTEINS! And then his people start losing, but then he gives this rousing speech to get everyone ready; kinda like in that other movie he did.

"You mean 'Mad Max?"

"No"

"You mean 'The Patriot?"

"No"

"You mean 'Braveheart?"

"Yes . . .oh wait, id you say 'Chicken Run'?"

"No, I said 'Braveheart."

"Oh. Well, it was Chicken Run. He gives this rousing speech like in Chicken Run. And then he goes out and he kills all the Frankenstiens and it's AWESOME - 30 minutes of the movie is a montage of him slow motion killing Frankenstiens, It's Insane! Then there's one Frankenstein left. And he's hiding in this synagogue. And there are these Orthodox Jews that have taken a shining to the Frankenstein. But then Gibson busts in with these crazy eyes, screaming, 'It's alive. It's Alive! ITS ALIVE!!!' Then he shoots the Frankenstien in the back of the head and says, 'Now. . . it's dead.'

But the Frankensteins new friends don't like this, and this one rabbi comes out of the darkness and says, 'Forgive me Lord, for I am about to sin.' And just starts WHOOPING Mel Gibsons ass! And this was the part of the movie where he got his ass kicked in real life, and you can tell cause at one point this guy who's kicking Gibson in the teeth is yelling, 'Mel Gibson you racist piece of shit!'

And then finaly, after about ten minutes of him just getting his ass handed to him, that original bad ass rabii from before, grabs Gibson by the shirt, pulls him in, and says,

'I'll see you in . . .heaven.'

Then just tosses Mel up into the sky so high that he winds up disappearing in the clouds. It's awesome! The Jewish guys, like, kicked his ass, but then, like, still forgave him, it was fucking sweet!"