Friday, February 26, 2010


This week dubai held their annual ‘Camel Beauty Pagant’. Controversy was sparked though when when of the camels was disqualified for showing off a little too much ‘Humantoe’

Wednesday, February 24, 2010


There is nothing more wonderful, than the miracle of having a grandma. Having a grandma will forever change your life, and bring so much joy in your home. But with having a grandma comes so much responsibility. There is feeding your grandma, putting gates up so your grandma won't fall down the stairs, putting those little plastic things in the electrical sockets so your grandma won't shock herself; all those safety precautions we do to keep a curious grandma wondering around the house safe. Grandmas don't come with an instruction booklet; you are on your own to figure out why the grandma is crying, what the grandma has in her mouth, and where she got it. But having a grandma is not all work, one of the most fun, and important parts of having a grandma, is naming it!!!

Now some people have a name all picked out before the grandma even arrives. Some people may wait a few days later. Traditionally people will name their grandma after someone in their family. For instance, my grandma is called; 'Uncle'.

I may not have all the answers, like; where do grandmas come from? Or why do new grandmas smell so good? But I do have a list of some of the hot new grandma names out there right now. It used to be that one in every three grandmas was called Ethel, and two in every three Ethels was called Myrtle. But now unique Grandma names are the hot new trend. Here are some of the most popular unique grandma names of the year.



Orange Peel


Furniture Face

Dr. Patient



Lenny Beefstacks


The Grandma formerly known as Grandpa

Hot Robbin



Pork Dorkleson

Toyota Sales Event





Deez Nuts



Your Two Thousand and Ten Chicago Bulls!!!






Once you've named your grandma, ENJOY! Now all you have to do is teach your grandma tricks to impress your house guests!

Tuesday, February 23, 2010


It's been recently reported that famed director Kevin Smith was told that he was 'too big' to ride on a Southwest Airline flight. First of all; what is Kevin Smith doing riding Southwest airlines? Southwest is the 'greyhound bus' of the skies. Maybe that was the only venue that would screen MallRats 2.
Second; how exactly did that exchange go down?

Steward approaches Kevin Smith: Um, excuse me...

Kevin Smith then turns to his a female traveling companion: Oh embarrassing, you know I never will get used to this.

Female Traveling Companion: What? People asking for your autograph?

Kevin Smith: No, people telling me I'm too fat to be here.

Wednesday, February 17, 2010


I spent this whole day telling jokes to a monkey. The producers wanted the monkey to respond to my 'bad' jokes by him either covering his eyes, ears, or doing what they call a 'raspberry'. But what would happen though, is that I would tell the joke, the monkey would do nothing, then the trainers would awkwardly yell at the monkey for several minutes. I felt like I kept telling these jokes that would always end in a couple arguing. Eventually the producers decided to have the girl tell the joke, and have me react to the bad joke. So basically I took the monkeys spot. The monkey and I haven't talked since.

Monday, February 15, 2010

Science Non-Fiction

We have no idea why we sleep. With all of our advances in science medicine, and technology, we are at a complete loss to why it is imperative for all living things to completely shut down for a third of their lives. We know what happens when we don't sleep; that it will drive us to the brink of madness. But we don't know what is happening with us that makes that happen. I think it's nothing more than a sign of how much further we have to go in evolution. There is a subconscious mentality that we as a species have reached where we need to be. We are no longer primates; we walk upright, we communicate, we use tools, we apply logic to problem solving; we have evolved to humans. We are the highest form of evolution. I think what we forget though, is that we are the highest form of evolution; so far. Of course we are the highest form of everything we ever were, but it's amazing that the way we look at monkeys, is how future humanity will look at us. We will continue to evolve, even though NASCAR and Spike TV are tough arguments against any evolution happening any time soon. Right now we look back and say, "Remember when we didn't have the internet, that's crazy right?" Eventually we will look back and say, "Remember when we didn't know why we sleep?" At some point all of man kind may become interconnected on the same frame of conscience, like an internet inside all of our brains. We may be done evolving physically, but mentally we may eventually begin to tap that 90% of the brain that we have no idea it's use for. Perhaps we don't know what it does, or why we sleep; because we're not ready for it. We have yet to evolve to a species that can use all of what our heads are capable of.
Now these are all science fiction type of thoughts, but so was Jules Vern notions of deep sea exploration and space travel. What was fodder for fantasy became fact.
This article posts eight things from literature that came true.
And as I talked to fellow comedian David Angelo this past weekend about the idea of future human evolution, he turned me onto an incredibly interesting bit of sci-fi literature in a short story by Isaac Asimov about a computing machine called MultiVax written in 1956.Read the short story here: , then return to the site's homepage at to see multivax's eerie simularity to google, and wonder what other science fiction thoughts, will someday, become our reality.

Friday, February 12, 2010

I was talking to someone this week about how so many times I have some time to kill, and I'll go on the internet, and have no idea what to do. I have the internet, everything in the entire world, an endless string of fascinating and interesting sites, right in front of me; and I check my gmail and my facebook, and then can't think of anywhere else to go. So I think I'm going to make it a point to find where there are interesting places on the world wide web to visit during one's lunch break and pass then along. For today I will pass along a video from comedian Alana Johnston; it's just completely absurd, cracks my shit up. Hope you enjoy, everyone have a great Friday, and I will see YOU, through a crack in the bathroom stall door!!!

Wednesday, February 10, 2010

A 15 year old japanese girl has recently sold a book that she wrote via 'texts' on her cell phone. That means when she was hanging out with her friends while texting and someone said, "Geez what are you doing? Writing a novel?" Her response was, "As a matter of fact, yes I am" The same girl has also been reported to make phone calls from the bottom of a well, to regularly have some 'coffee with that sugar' and has never really 'walked much'. (By the way, the joke is not that these are all sarcastic things that people say to other people when they can't hear someone well on the phone, put too much sugar in their coffee, and trip; moreso that I'm an ignorant american that thinks people in Japan speak english.)

Comedy Contests...uhg

Comedy Contests. They are the absolute worst. Nothing like going up in front of a bunch of strangers, figuring out some way to make them all laugh, somehow succeeding at that, then afterwards having someone coming up to you and saying, 'Wow, I can't believe you made all those people laugh. You do know you lost though right?"
Let's just have a good, fun time, why do people have to lose at that? It's the same feeling I have when I would unwrap a piece of candy, and the wrapper would say, 'Sorry, you lose!' when I didn't even know there was even a contest. i don't lose, I'm eating candy, I WIN!
What do I lose at wrapper? At opening up this candy? At life?
At least with candy you instantaneously found out your worth. Half the time when you open up a bottle of soda, underneath the cap it says, 'xj38fjufjo'. Then you have to go to some website. Log on. Put in the code. Then and only then do you find out that you failed.
That being said I am in another Comedy Contest. In theory people go to the website; take an hour and a half out of their life to watch all the comics, then fairly assess which comic is the best. In reality, its whoever can drive the most of their fans and friends to the website, and vote, once a day every day, from now until next tuesday at midnight. Which is why those who put the contest together agree to have the contest to begin with; as free advertising for their website. But still, with promises of work as a comic, it's enough to make one want to play the game. So if anyone is interested, you are more then welcome to go to the link below, give me vote, and then go to the homepage of the website, watch all the comics, then decide who you should have actually voted for.
Comedy Contest:

Tuesday, February 9, 2010

Saturday, February 6, 2010

National Blogcast System: Larry Blahblah

Larry Blahblah was not accepted into the N.A.C.A. Convention this year so he has decided to blogcast a promotional video for his variety act on the National Blogcast System

Thursday, February 4, 2010


This is dedicated to the great american comptroller Bob Kulhan, who's continuing support of my poobies is never taken for granted.


It's official, pea coats are IN! Poop pants are OUT!

Tuesday, February 2, 2010

It's that time of year again. The time where the world's eyes are on Vatican City to see whether or not the pope will come out. And as we can see here, yes he did. AND yes he did see his shadow. Which means four extra weeks of lent.

Monday, February 1, 2010

I hung out with Jack Nicholson recently and that dude didn't just get drunk, he got Rip Torn!


Scientists report today that Lady Gaga may actually in fact be a 'woman'. Originally researchers believed that Lady Gaga was a mannequin turned singer turned drag queen. But upon recent investigation research has found that being nominated in the female categories at the recent Grammys may actually classify Lady Gaga as actual 'Lady' or what's commonly referred to as a 'woman'. Dr. Simmon of the University of Quashingandrogony stated, 'It's too early to say with any certainty yet, but it seems that (Lady Gaga) may in fact be a female. We will attempt further tests before we commit to either gender with any real certainty. But no matter what sex it turns out Lady Gaga is, it'll never take away from the fact that she has an incredible voice, and a really sweet dick."