Not many people know this, but I actually have some psychic ability. For instance, right now, hold on, it's coming to me...I am sensing that all of the stores where you can get your fortune read in the city... don't have any customers in them!
I once walked by a psychic who asked if I would like to have my fortune read and I replied, 'No... and you should have known that."
I then walked by her ten minutes later and she again asked me if I wanted my fortune read. Now how am I going to put any stock in your ability to predict the future, when you're having trouble conjuring up the recent past?
In Istanbul, one of the charms of the city is to get your fortune told by a bunny. A man will have a wooden box filled with pieces of paper and a rabbit will bite one of the pieces of paper; and whichever one he picks is your fortune. When I did this, the man shoved the rabbit's face in the box, then grabbed a piece of paper out himself and said that the rabbit had picked this particular piece of paper. I thought about arguing that I was paying to have the rabbit predict my future and not him, but I avoided that conversation on account of it being too ridiculous. So instead of protesting, I just opened up my piece of paper which read,
"Someone leaved you causes you to lose sleeps, but you not worry, for he will come back, and you and him will be happys once again."
Who the hell is this 'he' that I'm losing sleeps over? Me and 'him' will be happys again? I told the man that I was into women, that he must have given me someone else's fortune and that we should probably let the rabbit pick this time. But the man insisted that the rabbit picked the right fortune. There's no money better spent, than paying five bucks to have a bunny rabbit call you gay.
Perhaps my cynicism towards those who claim to know what has yet to be, stems from an arcade I went to when I was a kid. I had one quarter left. Not enough for any of the new age realistic 50 cent games of the day like Golden Axe or Smash TV, but enough for a machine that would give a sneak preview of your future in the form of piece of paper inside a plastic egg. I put my last quarter in the machine, pulled out the egg, and inside was a piece of paper that stated,
'YOU WILL SOON MAKE A FINANCIAL BLUNDER.'
I couldn't help but think that I already had.
Dude, I would have had my bunny rabbit call you gay for the bargain price of $4.50.
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